To bad Jerry Springer isn't on anymore

This is an email I received from my friend Palin this morning.  I swear to you this is an honest to goodness family.  She has long told me stories about her ugly cousin so I was excited to hear an update.  Last I knew the husband had been deported and was trying to jump a fence or take swimming lessons to get back.
Read and enjoy as I did.

Ok – so background on this one.  Loser (ugly cousin’s brother, yes this is what I call him to his face) is getting married on my son's b-day Sat in CA.  Obviously I found better ways to spend my hubby’s unemployment so I am not going.  My mom and sis are.    My ugly cousin is pregnant with the man she cheated on her husband with.  She is due in August and apparently is supposed to be on bed rest and quit her job at Jack in the Box a couple months ago.  Wow I am proud to call her family.  Anyway her ex and her current man have restraining orders against each other after getting into a huge fight a couple months back.  Loser is having his sister’s kids in the wedding so they are in CA now getting ready.  What Ugly doesn’t know is that Loser has asked her ex to be his best man.  No one has told Ugly because they knew she would get upset, not go to the wedding and not allow her kids to go either.   So her ex will be showing up Friday unbeknownst to her.  This same day her current man will be showing up to escort her to the shin dig in my Aunt’s backyard.  Apparently Loser and the ex have looked into the fact that the restraining order is not valid out of WA so that will not be an issue.  The biggest issue is Ugly catching a glance of her ex before the wedding and causing UFC-2011.  This is going to be a serious cluster and has no chance of working out.  ALL because Loser and his mother are big wussies and don’t want to upset her before the wedding.  SERIOUSLY???  I am actually a little disappointed that I am not going to be getting a ring side seat to this disaster.  My biggest issue with this whole thing is Loser’s bride doesn’t deserve this at her wedding and then of course the possibility of Ugly going into labor in the middle of Nowhere, CA.