Friday, November 4, 2011

I guess the Electoral College wasn't such a bad idea

I don’t ever introduce myself as a political person. I follow bits and piece and get big opinions on limited information.  I hardly pay attention during the primaries but will read up and become educated once the field is narrowed down.
I just walked in on a conversation where two women were talking about Herman Cain. I don’t pay much attention the one woman made a comment about Rick Perry.  My head pops up and I ask “Rick Perry, isn’t he the guy who sang Simply Irresistible?”   One person then mocks me and says that no that was in fact Robert Plant.  Close enough?

Friday, September 16, 2011

My new plan

So when I want something done around the house or if i want my husband to clean up his mess he often says no that if it doesn’t bother him why should he do it. If the kitchen is a mess he will get to it when he wants or when it bothers him, not just go ahead and clean so that it is done.  I have decided (and I am NOT JOKING) that next time this bothers me I am going to take a crap in the garage.  Oh I will clean it up when it bothers me though. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Smooth Talker

I have a friend, we will call her Dark and Twisty (D&W) and this is what happened to her today as she strolled through out towns downtown corridor. 

I was walking outside and went by a gaggle of hobos and I was wiping my phone on my shirt and one of them said “Sure wish I was that phone!”

Now I don't know how she contained herself from not dry humping one of those hunks of love but she must have some serious self control.  Really Asshole.... you are a bum and the most you can do is wish you were a phone to get rubbed on a hot girls shirt.  Try wishing for a job. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What Instant Messaging is really used for at work

Names have been edited to protect our jobs

7:42 AM - Slummy Mummy:
i have stuffy running nose.  And my nose is al dry.  I need a zertec.  I am just going to sit here and sniff all day.
7:43 AM - The coworker:
my nose and my gimpy eye are causing me problems.  Apparently the cocaine we sniffed was low quality ???
7:45 AM - Slummy Mummy:
i think so.  at lunch lets find that dealer and put a cap in his ass. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Thank goodness for caller ID - I guess

So yesterday Princess Worthless was home alone most the day.  When I got home this is the conversation:

PW- mom my school called today
M- really
PW- yeah I looked when the phone rang and it said XXXX School District
M – what did they want
PW -  I don’t know I didn’t answer
M – why not
PW- cuz it was my school

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Found this on Craigslist

I may have just found the laziest person alive.  This is the actual post from Craigslist ~

5/13-5/27: Do you have extra change
Do you have extra change that you don't want? Well I'm looking for extra change and allot of it, if you do have any change that you don't want then let me know.
You can txt me, (5@$)-xxx-zzzz my name is tim
God bless!!!!!!!

This person is too lazy to even get up, go out to the street corner to panhandle.  He is sitting home waiting for the free change to just start flowing in.  Maybe he should form some sort of pyramid scheme where people sign up to be craigslist panhandler under him.  This is a beggar who now "works from home"
the possibilities are endless.  But what about all the really hardworking panhandler's who actually go to the street corner and brave the elements with their dogs and signs begging for change for food for the poor little dog they have drug out with them for a day of hard begging.  Next they will have to form a panhadler's union to protect their rights and make sure they don't get injured or work too long of hours. 

This whole craigslist thing is really going to put a different spin on begging.

To bad Jerry Springer isn't on anymore

This is an email I received from my friend Palin this morning.  I swear to you this is an honest to goodness family.  She has long told me stories about her ugly cousin so I was excited to hear an update.  Last I knew the husband had been deported and was trying to jump a fence or take swimming lessons to get back.
Read and enjoy as I did.

Ok – so background on this one.  Loser (ugly cousin’s brother, yes this is what I call him to his face) is getting married on my son's b-day Sat in CA.  Obviously I found better ways to spend my hubby’s unemployment so I am not going.  My mom and sis are.    My ugly cousin is pregnant with the man she cheated on her husband with.  She is due in August and apparently is supposed to be on bed rest and quit her job at Jack in the Box a couple months ago.  Wow I am proud to call her family.  Anyway her ex and her current man have restraining orders against each other after getting into a huge fight a couple months back.  Loser is having his sister’s kids in the wedding so they are in CA now getting ready.  What Ugly doesn’t know is that Loser has asked her ex to be his best man.  No one has told Ugly because they knew she would get upset, not go to the wedding and not allow her kids to go either.   So her ex will be showing up Friday unbeknownst to her.  This same day her current man will be showing up to escort her to the shin dig in my Aunt’s backyard.  Apparently Loser and the ex have looked into the fact that the restraining order is not valid out of WA so that will not be an issue.  The biggest issue is Ugly catching a glance of her ex before the wedding and causing UFC-2011.  This is going to be a serious cluster and has no chance of working out.  ALL because Loser and his mother are big wussies and don’t want to upset her before the wedding.  SERIOUSLY???  I am actually a little disappointed that I am not going to be getting a ring side seat to this disaster.  My biggest issue with this whole thing is Loser’s bride doesn’t deserve this at her wedding and then of course the possibility of Ugly going into labor in the middle of Nowhere, CA.